I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think my moral compass just broke
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
