Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
