moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
