First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
