Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
