You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
