those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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