I hope my margaritas pass through security.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
