I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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