god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
