The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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