dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
