Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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