they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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