I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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