Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
