Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
be right there i have to get my cape
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
