i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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