Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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