Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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