airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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