i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
