The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
