I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
