I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
