I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize