Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
