Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
What a dumb baby whore.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
