Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
