Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
