I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
