I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
