Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
