I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize