so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
