I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
