Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize