I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
