I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
