That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
