Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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