ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
