I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
