first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
