I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
