after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
