he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
