he looks like a really good dad on facebook
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Everyone says I win the strip club
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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