Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize