no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
