Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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