there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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