is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
