your room smells of hookers.
And success
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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