did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
