just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
