you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I've blown a few things in my day
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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