yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
