my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I looked at my own cervix.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
