if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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