I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
