You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
When are your genitals available?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
