its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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