We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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