Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just gift wrapped bread.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
