I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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