were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He passed out mid-signature
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
