Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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