No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize