i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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