you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
