He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
