it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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