Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize