My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
