Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
