he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
