I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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