Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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