I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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