Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize